Let them be little

Let them be little

9.08.2014

37 weeks

Today I am SUPER tired and not feeling so great.  I woke up at 4 to pee, and heard Annabelle wrestling around about 4:15.  She was awake.  Wide awake.  Finally, i brought her in bed with us so that she wouldn't wake up Carter.  Pretty sure I/we were awake till about 5:15.  Then awake again about 6.  I am wishing nights/mornings like that would not come until Skylar gets here, and that until then, I can be blessed with good sleep.  Coffee did nothing for me this morning, and it seems that these two kiddos are requiring MORE of my energy today than usual.  Is it a full moon or something?  What's happening?  Am I just SO exhausted that I notice how much energy it takes just to be me?  
I feel so guilty that I don't have energy to play with them, take them anywhere, OR to take care of this house and the demands of the everyday work of a stay at home mom and wife.  It's not just today that I feel that guilt.  It is OFTEN.  Don't want to write an entire DOWNER post, but those are just my thoughts and feelings this morning.  
Pregnancy hormones are a REAL thing and occasionally really affect me.  I feel like there are tears just waiting in my eyelids, and it takes the smallest thing for them to come out.  I have very sentimental thoughts, and at the same time, get very irritated at the most ridiculous things.  Within 30 seconds I can cry, laugh, and punch a hole through a wall.  My dreams have also been weird.  The weirdest ones are always about my kids.  I remember after having Annabelle, I would have dreams that I couldn't find her, or that something was wrong and I would wake up in a panic.  After Carter, the same thing happend, but not as often.  Last night, I dreamed about Carter and Annabelle, and the dream made me want to go sleep in their room and snuggle them really close.  I have also been dreaming about Skylar.  Not bad dreams, but dreams that make me so excited to meet her and hold her!  I did dream that she came out a boy, and that the ultrasounds were wrong the whole time.  I wonder if that would make me laugh?
Anyways, prayers for these last couple weeks are appreciated.  Of course.  Also, I would love prayers for labor and delivery.  I have special hopes and dreams this time, knowing it is probably my last baby.  I know that birth and labor OFTEN does NOT go the way we hope and plan, therefore I have never made a birth plan with any of my babies.  Babies will come when they are ready, and your body will also make it happen when IT is ready.  Unless you have a scheduled c-section or induction, you never know the exact day it will happen.  And even if you are scheduled, things can go wrong or can change in an instant.  Labor and delivery are an incredible picture of faith, aren't they?  I will share my hopes this time...

With both Annabelle and Carter, I wanted an epidural.  And I LOVED that epidural.  So much that I wouldn't mind having one just to relax.  That sounds so bad, but I am sort of serious.  They are awesome.  I had no bad reactions to the epidurals I got.  I enjoyed labor. I got to relax, hang out with visitors without screaming, and enjoyed the whole labor process!  Annabelle's labor was spontaneous, Carter's was an induction. (although i was dilated to about a 4 or 5 when I got there.  I was already in the process.) Carter's birth was a DREAM!! I got to the hospital early in the morning, enjoyed some time with my visitors, and had Carter a little bit after noon.  It was perfect, really.  Perfect and quick, and HE was perfect.  I am forever so greatful for that day and that experience.  Especially after our experience with sweet Annabelle.

This time around, I hope to NOT be induced unless I make it to OCTOBER.  I hope to experience my water breaking on it's own.  I hope for a quick labor! (who doesn't though, really?) I hope to be already progressed pretty far once I get to the hospital.  Like at a 7!  I hope to do all of this without an epidural.  I hope for Skylar to be well and alert and perfect.  I hope for everything to be perfect. (again, who doesn't hope for that?!?!)  Why would I not want an epidural OR an induction if it went SO well last time?  Well, I do have the desire to know what it is like without all of that.  I want to see what the best of both of those worlds are.  I watched my sister, Lisa, have a TOTALLY natural, almost hippie natural, labor and delivery and it was pretty awesome.  I have read about it, and read testimonials from women who have done it, and I rarely come across anyone having terrible things to say about it.  Pain? YES. But, awesome? Also, yes.  I never want a birth outside of a hospital because of what I have experienced, but I DO wonder if I can do a natural birth in a hospital with total support from nurses and doctors.  
I'm scared about it.  And can't even believe that I am telling you publicly what I want to do, because I know it may not happen this way.  I don't want to feel like a failure if I give in to medication.  And I understand that I may depending on how everything plays out.  
I can NOT believe that within the next 2-3 weeks we will know HOW this did all play out.  How crazy.  I am ready to meet her. I am ready to adjust to life with a new baby.  I am ready to begin the physical healing process.  I am ready for Annabelle and Carter to meet their sister.  

How far along? 37+ weeks
Total weight gain/loss:  A little over 20 lbs.
 Maternity clothes? DUH! 
Stretch marks? No. :) I have used coconut oil again this pregnancy.
Best moment this week: Craig treated me to a manicure and a pedicure this past Saturday, and it was AMAZING.  The time alone was so peaceful and being pampered was such a treat.  Isn't he thoughtful?  I appreciate him so much.  
Miss anything: Yes.  I can't WAIT to feel better physically, to work out again and to drink a giant frozen margarita. ;)
Movement: Yes.  She moves around a lot. I LOVE to feel her move. Love it.
Food cravings: It's weird, but I have lost my appetite for the most part lately.  Nothing really sounds good, and everything seems to give me terrible heartburn.  I DO love ice cream.  I really should just replace every meal with a big bowl of ice cream.  That's ok, right? 
Anything making you queasy or sick: Yes.  I have been feeling very yucky.  Because my stomach is squished and again, my heartburn is so awful.  
Have you started to show yet: Ha ha. It is funny though the reactions I get from people.  Both strangers and friends.  in JULY, there was a group of old ladies that were so shocked that I still had to make it to September.  They said I looked so big like I was going to have the baby any day.  But, younger people say the opposite.  They tell me, even now, how small I look and how I couldn't possibly be due this month.  I guess the old ladies don't see pregnant women often and have just forgotten how big we can get.  And, people who I am around see pregnant women OFTEN.  I don't feel small at all.  But, I will say that I know Skylar is not as big of a baby as Carter was.  By this point with him, I was in pain.  He took up every inch possible.  Skylar is bigger than sweet Annabelle was, but still has some room in there to get chubby.  :)  
  Gender: GIRL
Labor Signs: Just some Braxton Hicks.  I kind of wish I was seeing and feeling more of something towards labor, but I am pretty sure she will bake a couple more weeks.  
  Belly Button in or out?  out actually.  weird.
Wedding rings on or off? Off.  Tried to put it back on the other day, and I would have had to force it.  Sad. :(  I feel so naked without it, but my finger is swollen.  
Happy or Moody most of the time: Ha ha, did you read my little intro up there?^  Such a mix of both that I don't even know how to hang out with myself.  :/
Looking forward to: Feeling my water break.  ;)

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