Let them be little

Let them be little


"You're gonna miss this."

"I can't wait till the kids get older."
"I can't wait till Carter grows out of his super 'needy' stage."
"I can't wait till life's a little easier."
"I can't wait till Annabelle can..."
"I cant' wait until..."
All things I catch myself saying that are actually not true. 

Today, I had about a million bags and lunchboxes hanging off of my arms, as I was pushing a stroller through the cold rain, and wrangling another child while saying, "please just keep walking".  I saw a mom in the same parking lot who has two older children, like elementary age, and I said under my breath, "I can't wait till the kids are older".  In moments where I am chasing both kids around the car, and loading them into the car while they are cranky, hungry and tired, I say that, too.  When my arms are not only full of stuff, but also BOTH children, I say that.  But, it's not true.  I don't actually wish they were older.  And i CAN wait until they are older.  I love the stage that they are in, and really want to soak it all up.  I don't want to rush life, and then miss it.  

Carter has been a very 'needy' little boy.  And for some reason, the times he needs me the most seem to be the times that I am busy.  He tugs and my pant legs and pushes me away from the counter when I am in the kitchen.  He follows me around the house crying when I am trying to get housework done.  There have been times that I will hide around the corner in my own house just so he doesn't see me and realize he needs something.  That sounds funny, but it's true.  Some moments I feel like the demands of him, housework, Annabelle AND being a wife are just too much for one person to handle.  My own needs and desires are always pushed aside, and that can be a little draining.  In those moments, I say things that aren't true.  Things like, "I can't wait till Carter grows out of this stage."  As if, in that moment, it would be just so much easier.  But, I DON'T wish him to grow out of this stage too fast.  I know that someday I will look back and miss his extra hugs, his extra snuggles.  I will miss that he needed me so so much.  

Having young kids is a challenge in so many ways.   But, I love those little whipper snappers so much.  It's awesome watching little people grow up. As a mom who is with them, well, ALWAYS, it is a lot of pressure to make sure that they are growing up in a good way.  That they are being molded and shaped into little people that will impact the world around them.  The responsibility I feel every day to take care of them is more than I can bear sometimes.  But, I feel that this is where God wants me to be.  To understand that in my own strength,  I can not love and raise those children.  The Lord's strength is the ONLY thing that will get me through each day and each little moment every day.  The moments when I lie to myself and wish that something was different.  THOSE are the moments when I need to totally be drawing on the Holy Spirit to help me live the life He has given me.  I get to unwrap new gifts from the Lord every day, and how rude of me to complain about those gifts, wishing they were bigger or better.  I desire to live in a state of dependence and thankfulness to Him. 

LOVE this song so much...

OH, and I am pregnant with my third sweet baby!  More on that later.  But, after watching that video again, I am just an emotional ball of tears.  Will hold my sweet kiddos tight and giggle about these tears in a sec...