2.11.2014

"You're gonna miss this."

"I can't wait till the kids get older."
"I can't wait till Carter grows out of his super 'needy' stage."
"I can't wait till life's a little easier."
"I can't wait till Annabelle can..."
"I cant' wait until..."
All things I catch myself saying that are actually not true. 

Today, I had about a million bags and lunchboxes hanging off of my arms, as I was pushing a stroller through the cold rain, and wrangling another child while saying, "please just keep walking".  I saw a mom in the same parking lot who has two older children, like elementary age, and I said under my breath, "I can't wait till the kids are older".  In moments where I am chasing both kids around the car, and loading them into the car while they are cranky, hungry and tired, I say that, too.  When my arms are not only full of stuff, but also BOTH children, I say that.  But, it's not true.  I don't actually wish they were older.  And i CAN wait until they are older.  I love the stage that they are in, and really want to soak it all up.  I don't want to rush life, and then miss it.  

Carter has been a very 'needy' little boy.  And for some reason, the times he needs me the most seem to be the times that I am busy.  He tugs and my pant legs and pushes me away from the counter when I am in the kitchen.  He follows me around the house crying when I am trying to get housework done.  There have been times that I will hide around the corner in my own house just so he doesn't see me and realize he needs something.  That sounds funny, but it's true.  Some moments I feel like the demands of him, housework, Annabelle AND being a wife are just too much for one person to handle.  My own needs and desires are always pushed aside, and that can be a little draining.  In those moments, I say things that aren't true.  Things like, "I can't wait till Carter grows out of this stage."  As if, in that moment, it would be just so much easier.  But, I DON'T wish him to grow out of this stage too fast.  I know that someday I will look back and miss his extra hugs, his extra snuggles.  I will miss that he needed me so so much.  

Having young kids is a challenge in so many ways.   But, I love those little whipper snappers so much.  It's awesome watching little people grow up. As a mom who is with them, well, ALWAYS, it is a lot of pressure to make sure that they are growing up in a good way.  That they are being molded and shaped into little people that will impact the world around them.  The responsibility I feel every day to take care of them is more than I can bear sometimes.  But, I feel that this is where God wants me to be.  To understand that in my own strength,  I can not love and raise those children.  The Lord's strength is the ONLY thing that will get me through each day and each little moment every day.  The moments when I lie to myself and wish that something was different.  THOSE are the moments when I need to totally be drawing on the Holy Spirit to help me live the life He has given me.  I get to unwrap new gifts from the Lord every day, and how rude of me to complain about those gifts, wishing they were bigger or better.  I desire to live in a state of dependence and thankfulness to Him. 





LOVE this song so much...

OH, and I am pregnant with my third sweet baby!  More on that later.  But, after watching that video again, I am just an emotional ball of tears.  Will hold my sweet kiddos tight and giggle about these tears in a sec...