Mother's Day this year left me feeling the NEED to reflect. Much of this reflection I have been doing in my mind, with silent prayers of thanks and prayers for strength. But, I want to write out much of what I am thinking about. It will be random, as these thoughts go from my head to this screen.
First of all, I wanted to talk about this pregnancy. Again. I've been feeling very thankful to God for allowing me to be pregnant again. Here's a confession, I don't LOVE being pregnant. I just don't. And, I don't have bad pregnancies at all, but I still just don't love it. I also don't hate it, but I certainly don't love it. I would say it is mostly that I just physically don't love it. How it wears me out, gives me heartburn, makes me pee my pants when I laugh or cough, weird weight gain, and my goodness the exhaustion. All of those physical things that i don't like, do affect me emotionally also. The hormones affect me emotionally. I am JUST TIRED. ALL. THE. TIME.
But, since the moment I found out that I was pregnant this time, I have prayed for a joy from the Lord to help me to enjoy it. To savor each little moment. There is a very good chance this will be our last baby, so I want to enjoy these months so much more. I am thankful. SO thankful that this pregnancy has happened in GOD's perfect timing, not ours. Thankful that He is giving us another girl, knowing that she is the puzzle piece this family needs. I am beyond thankful every day that God allows me to get pregnant so easily. I feel so blessed that getting pregnant has not been a struggle for us, and I DO NOT take that for granted at all. I love that I GET to be pregnant, and get the gift of this experience. The thankfulness I feel for all of these things outweighs the negatives I feel about being pregnant. It's an incredible experience I would never ever want to be without. I love you, SKYLAR. (Her name is Skylar. I love it! I love it so much more that it is the name Craig chose. AND, NO, neither one of us have ever watched Breaking Bad, so please please don't ask me! I like the name, and it will become who she is. She is not named after anyone we know, or any TV show. Her middle name is still up for discussion, but I am glad we can call her something other than Baby.)
I have been relishing in the cuteness of my kids lately. Soaking up the little things about them that make them who they are.
I love Carter's little voice, and how he seems to add a word to his small vocabulary every day. It makes me smile even when he says, "poo poo. pants." Meaning, uh, I need to change him. The other day I was laying on the couch, which I am often doing these days. He walked into the living room as if to just pass through, headed to another room very quickly. He saw me on the couch, ran over and grabbed a blanket, put it on top of me, and then went on with his business. Of course my eyes welled up with tears, and I said, "Thank you for the blanket, buddy. I love you." He has a very very sweet, tender little heart. I prayed for that years ago if I had a boy. I love that he has a little sense of humor and makes me laugh a lot.
I also kind of love how he runs in the kitchen in the mornings, asking for "Coca? Coca?" He means Cocoa Puffs. We gave the kids cocoa puffs one Saturday, meaning for it to only be a special "Saturday cereal". But, I kind of can't resist when his little voice sounds so cute and so excited. Sometimes I do say no and pretend we are out, but sometimes my heart melts at the request for that sugar-filled cereal.
I love the way he throws. It's always an overhand quick toss, and he is already tough. I love how he rubs his eyes and says, "I tired" during supper time. He does this during supper when he just doesn't want to eat the food on his plate. He's already trying to outsmart us in that. Kinda cracks me up. I love how he asks for his pacifier, and calls it a "Bapi". And his blanket is his "banie". I love how he asks to go potty, and then just claps when he sits. He never has ever gone potty for us. But, he sees sister go, and knows that it is a time when we clap. :) I love how he runs, with one arm bent and tucked and the other swinging by his side. I love that he knows the color yellow, and says it every time he sees it, but won't name other colors. I love that he has been trying to sing "twinkle twinkle" and "Jesus loves me" with us before bed. I love the way he asks for me when it is time to go to bed. We always ask him, "do you want mommy or daddy to put you to bed?" His response is always, "Momma". I love love love the way he loves Annabelle. If he wakes up before her, he asks for her immediately. Their little sibling fights and disagreements have already started, and although that can be stressful, it's also kind of funny and cute. They will occasionally scream at each other, or hit, but it doesn't usually last long. And, when they say sorry, they always touch each others face. That melts my heart. Annabelle is the one who is a little more feisty, and when I ask her to say sorry, Carter always says it first, even when it wasn't him who did anything. So cute. I love how he thinks Wilbur running in to the fence on Charlotte's Web is about the funniest thing he's ever seen. I love it when he gets cracked up about something.
I love how almost every day, he asks for daddy when we are eating breakfast. He almost always calls for him. Then, I have to remind him that he is at work. Every Saturday and Sunday, his face lights up in the morning when he sees him. He loves his daddy. I love the way he has added LIFE and JOY to this family. I cherish him so much, knowing he is my only little boy. I never ever knew having a little boy would be as amazing as it is. And, as draining as it can be to be SO needed, I love how he has always been kind of a clingy one. Someday he won't be, so I will enjoy it now...
I wish I could post all of the videos of her little Spring Program at school, but I would have to sit here all day to wait for them to upload.
I love how she says "shopping". For some reason, she throws her hands and arms open and it sounds more like "shipping". She only likes it when I say we are going shopping because she thinks she will get a donut. We go grocery shopping as a family, and it has become a tradition to always get the kiddos a donut. She expects it every time she even sees an HEB. If we pass an HEB and do not go in, she gets upset. I love how she loves to be wrapped in a towel after bath time and held like a baby. She always sighs when you pull her close, and sometimes even says, "baby". I love the way her face looks when she gets excited about something. I love the way her face looks when she sees herself in the screen of my phone.
Something like this....
I also love how much she adores her daddy. She has a special bond with Craig and always has. I love that. We face time with him randomly during the week while he is at work, and she gets so super excited! She melts in his arms any time he picks her up. It's awesome. I love Annabelle's spunk. I love that she brightens the lives of other people. I love that she can be totally content playing all by herself, but also LOVES to play with her brother. I love that she is ours. And I love that she only fits the mold that she is making for herself.
Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. I always knew that being a wife and mom is what I would do with my life. I am so thankful that God has allowed me to live this dream. It is a harder job than I ever ever expected, but I still love it. I often feel like I am not enough for these kids. Like I am not a good enough mom for them. I wear many hats in this life, and I am often overwhelmed that it is just too much for one person. I have more meltdowns than I would like to admit. But, at the end of the day, reflection on the chaos that my life often is, I still would never ever change it for anything in the world. I love these little stinkers so much and can not wait to add one more to this crazy life. I hope she's ready. ;)