Quarantine Thoughts

So many thoughts the past couple weeks.  None of this post is going to be in any order and may not make any sense.  Like, at all.  Basically, what comes to mind, is going to come out through my fingers.  Don't judge my grammar.

My first thought.  More of the selfish thoughts on all of this craziness...

I AM LOVING THIS. The overall situation the world is in, NO.  Not that. I know people are really really struggling and I honest to goodness wish there was something I could do to help.  I hate how this is just wrecking some lives.  But, I am speaking just to quarantine in general in my own life. I can't feel guilty that I am enjoying this.   I am LOVING that things in our own life have been cancelled.  I am LOVING having my kids home and spending so much time with them.  I am LOVING that our life has slowed down.  I feel like I am finally breathing deeply and that breath is refreshing.  The last time that I felt this great was during the summer when we were Up North.  There are things this past year that I added in to my life that made me feel "too busy". And those things stole so much of my joy in the things that I actually enjoy doing.  I hate rushing around.  I hate it because it makes me impatient and irritated.  Rushing makes me feel like I am always MISSING something.  Missing something with the four people I want to pour my life into the most.  Missing a good conversation with a friend.  Missing blessings right in front of me.  The rushed, filled to the brim kind of life is just not for me.  I realize more and more how much more of an introvert I have become.  I wasn't always like that.  I do miss a good party with friends. But, if I were to choose to stay at home for the evening with my family or go to Happy Hour with girlfriends, I would choose to stay home.  My husband is just my favorite person to hang out with and I super love being with my cool kids.  SO, this time being forced to be at home has made me just super happy.  This has been the best two weeks I have had in such a long time.

Which makes me think...What will I allow back in when all of this is over?  Right now, I am trying really hard to just focus on the day we are in and the moments as they come.  But, then my mind wanders to the near future.  What is the NEW NORMAL going to look like for me and our family?  I think something is going to change.  Something will be different.  I just don't know what yet.  I just don't even want to go back to real life.  Which makes me think, maybe I was more unhappy than I realized. Sometimes you have to be taken out of a situation to even see that you were struggling.  I remember one time saying this after finding a church we loved.  I said, "We were so hungry but we didn't even know it until we were being fed."  I guess that's how I feel about life before March 16.  hmmmmm.

Another thought, this is crazy and also so cool that this isn't just happening here.  This is not just something our country is dealing with.  It is global.  That blows my freakin' mind.  For once, there is something we are ALL going through and ALL trying to get through TOGETHER.  It's something quite incredible.  It's super hard to put in to words.  I hate it for everyone who is really really struggling.  I do.  Hate it. But, there are silver linings here for all of us.  For. Sure.

Another thing.  Random.  I am so sick of people posting their pictures of Zoom meetings. That is not a fun picture to look at.  It looks just like the last one posted.  Hand clap if you're having Zoom get togethers.  We don't need to see another picture of what your computer screen looks like.  It's boring.

Sorta sorry for the sass.  Sorta not.
This sass, too...
The other day, I had to remind myself again why FB bothers me so so much and why I often have to take so many extended breaks from it.  I have been spending WAY more time on social media than normal.  Some of that has been awesome and helps us feel connected in some way.  Helps us to understand how others are dealing with all of this.  But, then, someone posts a super dumb question like, "am I allowed to take a walk in my neighborhood" and then I just get annoyed and have to super roll my eyes.  I am not usually so so annoyed.  Also, coming across an article that a bunch of people are posting on how to make your own hand sanitizer. And then the next article or comment is about how bad it is to attempt your own hand sanitizer.  Just dumb shit like that.  I guess the amount of time spent on FB just makes me a more irritated person.  Therefore, closing the app for the rest of the day. Then I don't have to see those stupid Zoom photos anymore.

What I am loving from social media is seeing so many families just reconnecting.  Some people really are embracing this time and making the absolute most of it.  Our kids are going to remember this forever.  Skylar calls it the "acona virus".  I have not corrected her.  It's just so cute.  They understand that we can not go to places.  I see pictures of peoples families playing games, planting a garden, schooling at home, getting super crafty, taking walks and bikerides together.  I think many of our kids craved this.  In a sense, maybe they could also say, "I didn't know how hungry I was until I was being fed".

I have a lot more to say.  For now, I will end with that.  Right now, I AM LOVING this time. Ask me again mid-April to see where I am at.  I am so aware my mind could change.