crazylove

Craig has been gone since Monday, and I'm ready for him to be back. I was never ready for him to leave. I have not slept well the whole week. I'll stay up late as possible, to make myself as tired as possible, and it still takes me forever to get to sleep. Like right now, I'm so tired. But, falling asleep without him in the house, or next to me has me unsettled. booooo.

So,I'm over it. I want him back.

We had a shower for my sister today, and my other sister is also in town with her BF. Busy busy. when I think about the next 2 weeks, I am so excited about what it holds. But, knowing it is going to fly makes me just want to soak it all in and enjoy it.

I keep getting that random thought..."Oh, I'll just catch up on sleep tomorrow." OR "I'll just sleep in to make up for the bad night's sleep or the staying up too late." CAN'T. I can't. My life is not my own. No decision I make is made without the thought of my little girl. It's sort of crazy. I realize different things all the time about how a Mom's life is NOT her own. Not at all. But, it's my calling. I'm not sad about it. I would never change it or take it back. Sure, there are times when I would like to just jump in the car and run to the store. But simple things like that can't be done without more thought and more energy. Even though it;'s been almost a year, it's still crazy how a child changes your life.

Hey, so, umm, does everyone else know about this eagle nest that is filmed ALL day EVERY day?????? And I am just finding out???? what??? Ok, so I watched only a few minutes of it today. This mommy eagle, taking care of her babes. This mothering instinct that GOD gave to this eagle, and to me as a momma. Look how big my vocabulary tonight....CRAZY!! (I am so tired.) But, amazed at this eagle, and almost in tears today. Even her life is no longer her own. The food she has is no longer her food, but she has to HELP give it to her babes. Her sleep is no longer her sleep. She has to make sure she keeps her babes warm and snuggled. He life changed when those eggs hatched. I was amazed by watching this. And really wondered if people that are not mommas think of this eagle the way I did.

Whether or not I like it, my life is not my own. I cannot turn my alarm off and sleep in tomorrow. I would like to. But, I LOVE it. I love the role that God had predestined for me and my life. Loving that role does not mean I like the lack of sleep and freedom sometimes. Annabelle's face in the morning, her big, blue, innocent eyes looking at me with a sweet sincere love is something I cherish more than my sleep. The tiny, jammied body that I GET to pick up and snuggle and feed makes my life SO full! To be needed in this way is a feeling I can never explain. It's, here we go again, CRAZY! Thank you, Lord, for my short night's sleep and the sweet little life You have trusted me with.

Goodnight.