Jealousy?

When it comes to "CHANGE" in my life, I have strange ways of dealing with it. I think I always have. I get so excited and anxious as the change approaches, and when it gets close, or I am in the middle of it, I sort of freak out a little. I know my emotions in these last DAYS before baby comes are bound to be sort of a roller coaster. I am beyond excited and anxious to meet my sweet Annabelle. This little girl I have carried and prayed for for 9+ months. BUT, the thought of holding her and her being REAL is sort of a shock at the same time. I have gone so long KNOWING she was there, and knowing she was coming. But, she really IS almost in my arms. I am not sure how to deal with the emotions I now feel. I am overwhelmed by them. I feel I have done all I can do to prepare, and to make her little world ready for her.

But, MY world doesnt "feel" ready. I am jealous of her in a way that I know her coming into our lives is going to drastically CHANGE our lives. Much of Craig's attention will be on this beautiful baby. I am thankful for that, but also really love that attention for ME! (I say that only sort of jokingly.) But, i do realize that the life that Craig and I have will not be the same. Making decisions will never be the same. I am thankful for the feelings I have right now, even though they are making me cry. I am thankful because I KNOW that my strength is not enough. The way we live will be altered, and our strength will HAVE to be drawn from Jesus. No one particulary likes to be out of control of their lives. I dont like it. BUT, if I didn't feel so out of control, then I wouldn't draw from the ONE who wants to lead me.

"Make me know Your ways, O LORD;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day."
Psalm 25:4-5

So, anyways, I am: anxious, excited, terrified, full of love, nervous, jealous, overwhelmed. I'm "ready" for this little Annabelle. I think.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and will find out if I have made any progress. I sure am hoping that there is some progress!!! I have been feeling good. Just pretty much the same. A little uncomfortable at times, but mostly good. I am going to go for a walk in the park today, and maybe every day to get this labor rollin!!! :)