Carter is TWO!

A few weeks ago, we celebrated my baby boy's SECOND birthday!  We had a small little party with our family and a couple close friends, and cupcakes.  Carter is growing up so fast, and I know that once his baby sister is here, he is going to seem even bigger.  I am so thankful for this little boy, and I thank God every day for the gift of him in our lives.  Carter is very gentle and tender hearted, and has an adorable little sense of humor.  He makes my heart melt and makes me laugh all at the same time.  He has something new to say every day, and it's been awesome to see him learn so many new things all the time.  He totally adores his sister, Annabelle and also his little cousins.  I am just so proud and honored to be his momma.

LOVE this picture of Carter with his cupcake, and Annabelle's excitement in the background...

Carter LOVES drums and also really likes sunglasses.  So, he got two of his most favorite things for his birthday.  I know I have said this before, but our house backs up to a high school.  Every weekday, we hear the marching band practice and they are practically in our backyard.  Hearing the drums is one of the highlights of Carter's day.  I am glad he has his own drum to march around with now.

Carter loving on his sweet cousin, Maxine...

Excuse the terrible quality of this picture, but I had to share it.  They really love being together and love sharing a room.  I check on them every night, and one night this is what I found.  I love it.  But, did not let them sleep that way.  The bed is too small for the two of them. ;)

I have really been feeling very sentimental lately, knowing that the time with just us three is going to change.  So, I have been trying to do as much as I can with with the kiddos.  Whenever I actually have the energy, I try to take them places.  It makes me happy to see them happy, so I try not to just drag them shopping with me, but bring them to parks and places I know they love.  One of those places is a mexican restraunt that we go to pretty often.  They ask me about it at least once or twice a week.  So, the other day, I took them for a little lunch date. Love being with these boogers every day...

Carter and his drum. And his jammies.

The kids wanted to play in the sprinkler the other day. So, I turned it on, not totally realizing it was getting the ground under the swingset all muddy.  Well, they loved that mud more than the boring old sprinkler!  

Is this not the cutest cowboy you have ever ever seen?

This was Carter as my dad was praying the other day.  We had a birthday party for both Justus and Carter this past Saturday, and my dad said a sweet prayer for our little families.  Carter stood like this the whole time.  It was so adorable.  :)

Carter and Annabelle actually sharing a toy together and being happy about it.  Craig and I felt like we were living in a different world as they played SO quietly and nicely together for a long period of time.  They are usually pretty loud as they play, and typically one toy between the two of them causes some bickering.

I am making an art center in the corner of our little dining room.  Craig and I went to Ikea last week and got a couple of things to make this center perfect for them.  I got letters that spell, "create" at hobby lobby, and the kiddos are in the process here of decorating those letters to hang on the wall.  If I remember, I will post a picture of the little art center as soon as it is finished.

Summer is coming to an end I am craving everything Fall.  I want all things pumpkin, and I am craving cooler weather!!  It's been tough to deal with the heat this summer, just as I expected.  I am looking forward to the MANY changes that Fall will bring around here.  

We did decide to keep Annabelle at home this Fall. After much discussion and prayer, we felt like it might be best, at least for a little while.  I would LOVE for both of them to go back to the preschool we were at last year, but it doesn't look like we can do that right now.  We want the very best for Annabelle, and I just wasn't sure what that was.  The public school offers services and therapies that she NEEDS, and eventually she will be back there.  But, for many reasons, we have chosen to keep her at home for now.  Parent decisions are so hard sometimes, and I really do hope that this is for the best for all of us right now.  I am anxious to see how the days go in our house with THREE little ones to take care of.  

Pregnancy update...

How far along? 35 + weeks

Total weight gain/loss:  i dont know.  i feel huge. I think around 20 lbs.

 Maternity clothes? DUH! 

Stretch marks? No
Best moment this week: We had a really great weekend spending time together as a little family.  I love the two days that craig is off work.  

Miss anything: Yes.  I have days and moments where I feel totally miserable!  I miss sleeping on my belly and being able to sit on the couch and feel comfortable.  Or do anything and feel comfortable.
Movement: Yes.  She moves around a lot.
Food cravings: Well, you should see the goodness in my freezer right now.  There is so much ice cream.  I have ice cream just about every day.  
Anything making you queasy or sick: I haven't been getting sick, but the heartburn and reflux has been pretty bad.  I hate it so much.  
Have you started to show yet: Ha ha. Duh.

  Gender: GIRL
Labor Signs: Lots of practice contractions.  

  Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? On. Most likely won't come off.  Never did with other two pregnancies.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Hmmm.  Little bit of both.  I have been pretty cranky lately if I am honest.  
Looking forward to: The month of September.  Due date month.  It is getting so close!  The app on my phone says I have 4 weeks, 4 days left.  Wonder when she will actually come!  :)

NEST

The nesting instinct has kicked in around here.  I think when you are a Stay at Home Mom, you are almost always 'nesting ' in a sense.  Your home is where you live and where you work.  Every day.  There is ALWAYS something to do, and ALWAYS something to improve.  Am I right?

But, lately for me, that need and that urge has intensified.  Like I mentioned in my last post, I had the sudden urge to allow Carter and Annabelle to share a room.  I had thought of it, but didn't think we would do it so soon.  But, I wanted a playroom SO bad.  I want a room for their toys and play where I can close the door in the evening if I don't feel like cleaning up the mess.  Which, every now and then, is exactly what I do.
The past few weeks of the kiddos sharing a room has been a learning process for us as parents and for them.  But, I don't regret it, and we are not turning back now.  There are evenings when we have to put on our 'discipline faces' and we are in and out of their room a lot reminding them that it is not play time.  But, it really hasn't been too bad.  They are learning what they can and can not do when it is bed time.  Nap time is a different story.  One of them has been napping in our bed, OR Annabelle just skips naps.  I am ok with her skipping her naps these days because it makes for an awesome bed time!  She is ready for bed when it is time!  But, I am not totally taking naps out of her schedule yet.  Not yet.

Their little room is coming together nicely.  This past weekend, Craig spent a lot of time painting a toddler bed and a dresser.  A project that needed to be done for a long time.  I want to get a few things up on their walls, but otherwise, I am happy with how their little room looks.

Carter's little toddler bed on the left, and Annabelle's bed on the right.  We painted both of them, and I love how they turned out.

 
My desire for redecorating has increased, too.  I have been making little changes here and there and adding small touches to different rooms. So far, this is the play room...  I left all of Carter's little cowboy and Texas decor in there.

If I keep having these urges to do things in every room of the house, I am going to go broke.  SO, I started selling some of our stuff online.  For example, I wanted a few new rugs.  For the kitchen, entry way and both bathrooms.  So, I sold the old rugs, and a few other things so that I could go buy new stuff!  Pretty fun, and I am not totally broke yet.  Yet. ;)

The Lord has blessed me with energy to keep up with the cleaning and reorganizing I have been doing.  I am so thankful that I haven't been feeling too crappy lately.  Some days are better than others of course.  It has been pretty hot the past couple of weeks, so we have been staying inside a lot more OR been playing in the water about every time we are outside.  Which the kiddos LOVE!

Pretty cute, huh?  I think I am happiest when I see them happy.  Love it.

SUMMER

Summer is going by so quickly, I can't even believe it.  We have been having a great time, and trying to stay COOL and BUSY!  We found a splash pad/park at the beginning of June, and went every week for a few weeks.  The kiddos really really loved it.  Annabelle started private speech a couple weeks ago, and will continue to go once a week until after school starts.  Right now, we are really praying and thinking about what to do this coming year for her and school.  I know it will all come together, and whatever it is will be good for her and for us.  We spend a lot of time with my sisters and all the little cousins love hanging out!  We are blessed to be able to spend such great time with them and to watch the kids develop little relationships with each other.  

At the end of June, we went on a week long road trip to Colorado and Minnesota.  Before we decided that the kids and I would go, I had a bit of anxiety about us three even being a part of this trip.  I was so nervous about being in the car for so long.  ONE because I am in my third trimester, and TWO because I wondered if the kids would do well.  I was also nervous about being out of our comfort zone, and all the exhausting travel, staying in different homes, chasing these very busy kiddos around etc...  I have been SO TIRED this pregnancy, and just expected to not have a great vacation.  But, we ended up having such a great time.  I prayed a lot that we would all stay healthy and happy, and actually feel like we got a vacation.  There was only ONE day out of the whole time that was super hard, but the rest of the time was so great!  The kids had such a blast, and did SO WELL in the car.  We spent pretty much three whole days in the car, and they were so awesome.  I also physically felt the best I have felt the whole pregnancy.  I know that the Lord answered my prayers and will forever be grateful to Him for that!  Spending time with family and friends was awesome, and it made me miss them even more.  

Now we are back to life at home, and back to the yucky Texas summer heat.  I was thinking the other day that summer, even for us, is a good break from real responsibilities.  Besides speech and my doctor's appointments, our calendar is free for PLAY!  I am not sure how the Fall will look as far as school for either kiddo, but I do know that Fall will bring another sweet member to our little family!  :)  THAT alone will add some responsibilities!  EEEEEEK!  

How far along? 29 1/2 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss:  about 15 lbs.

 Maternity clothes? I hate clothes. Unless they are unrestricted and stretchy.

Stretch marks? No
Best moment this week: This past Saturday, Craig hung out with the kiddos and let me have time to hang out with my mom for a while.  We shopped, had coffee, had lunch, and didn't have to load and unload kids every time we went to a new place.  It was the most relaxing time I have had in weeks and it really recharged my batteries.  My husband is the best! 

Miss anything: Yes.  I miss the same things I usually do.  Running, drinks, and more energy.  Right now I really miss my brother in law, Chad.  We got to spend a whole lot of time with him on our trip north, and it was hard to say good bye to him.
Movement: Yes.  So much.  Especially when I lay down in bed at night.
Food cravings: No.  I haven't had an actual craving in quite a few weeks.  
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really, but I do have heartburn super bad sometimes!  Well, everyday.  bleh.  Had it bad with both of my other pregnancies, too.  
Have you started to show yet: Ha ha. Duh.

  Gender: GIRL
Labor Signs: Been feeling more and more Braxton Hicks lately.  Nothing 'real' though which is good because I do have 10 weeks left!  I want Skylar to stay in and continue to grow and get smart and beautiful!  :)

  Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? On. Most likely won't come off.  Never did with other two pregnancies.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Ha ha. Well, both, but this question makes me laugh a little.  I was wondering the other day if we still have our regular monthly cycle while pregnant without getting our period.  I was so cranky the other day and everything was irritating me.  Craig's response in this conversation was, "Isn't pregnancy just one big, long cycle?"  Ha, I guess he is right.  What a sport!
Looking forward to: I look forward to going to be every night.  :)  

I have been getting really "Nesty" lately.  Actually, I feel like there is always something about our home that I want to change or to make better.  This past Sunday, I got the sudden urge to make a playroom and move Carter into Annabelle's room.   So, I did.  Craig was out mowing the lawn, and I tried to quickly take apart his crib, and reassemble it in Annabelle's room.  He came in and caught my right in the middle of the project and just smiled, shook his head, and went back outside.  Not only did I move his bed, I took the front of his crib off to make it a "big boy" bed.    Last night as they were playing and laughing together, I wondered if this was a terrible idea.  Tonight, they were both tired enough that they fell asleep quickly and in their own beds.  Right now it's meant to just be an experiment to see how they do, but I am really hopeful that they will do great.  They love being together, and I love that they now have a PLAYROOM!!  For now at least!  

24 Week Update

How far along? 24 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss:  around 12 lbs. 

 Maternity clothes? Of course.  And stretchy skirts and Yoga pants.

Stretch marks? No
Best moment this week: Well, it was a little over a week ago now, but the birth of my sweet niece, Maxine!  I hope that Maxine and Skylar are great little friends. 

Miss anything: Energy and Running.
Movement: Yes.  Feeling much more movement these days.
Food cravings: Not really right now.  
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really
Have you started to show yet: Yes.  everywhere.

  Gender: GIRL
Labor Signs: No.

  Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? On. Most likely won't come off.  Never did with other two pregnancies.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Uhhhhhh, both lately. 
Looking forward to: I'm hoping that Craig and I get a date night this week. ;)

Random Reflections

Mother's Day inspired me to write a post, and here it is almost a week later and no writing has happened.  I just put the kiddos down for a nap.  I have high hopes during nap time.  There is ALWAYS something to do around here, and if you are a mom, or just a woman that lives, you know that is true.  So, during this nap time, I hope to write a little post, and possibly put the laundry away that has been sitting on the couch since Wednesday.  I hear those little voices still, so we will see what happens.

Mother's Day this year left me feeling the NEED to reflect.  Much of this reflection I have been doing in my mind, with silent prayers of thanks and prayers for strength.  But, I want to write out much of what I am thinking about.  It will be random, as these thoughts go from my head to this screen.

First of all, I wanted to talk about this pregnancy. Again.  I've been feeling very thankful to God for allowing me to be pregnant again.  Here's a confession, I don't LOVE being pregnant.  I just don't.  And, I don't have bad pregnancies at all, but I still just don't love it.  I also don't hate it, but I certainly don't love it.  I would say it is mostly that I just physically don't love it.  How it wears me out, gives me heartburn, makes me pee my pants when I laugh or cough, weird weight gain, and my goodness the exhaustion.  All of those physical things that i don't like, do affect me emotionally also.  The hormones affect me emotionally. I am JUST TIRED.  ALL. THE. TIME.
But, since the moment I found out that I was pregnant this time, I have prayed for a joy from the Lord to help me to enjoy it.  To savor each little moment.  There is a very good chance this will be our last baby, so I want to enjoy these months so much more.  I am thankful.  SO thankful that this pregnancy has happened in GOD's perfect timing, not ours.  Thankful that He is giving us another girl, knowing  that she is the puzzle piece this family needs.  I am beyond thankful every day that God allows me to get pregnant so easily.  I feel so blessed that getting pregnant has not been a struggle for us, and I DO NOT take that for granted at all.  I love that I GET to be pregnant, and get the gift of this experience.  The thankfulness I feel for all of these things outweighs the negatives I feel about being pregnant.  It's an incredible experience I would never ever want to be without.  I love you, SKYLAR.  (Her name is Skylar.  I love it!  I love it so much more that it is the name Craig chose.  AND, NO, neither one of us have ever watched Breaking Bad, so please please don't ask me!  I like the name, and it will become who she is.  She is not named after anyone we know, or any TV show.  Her middle name is still up for discussion, but I am glad we can call her something other than Baby.)

I have been relishing in the cuteness of my kids lately.  Soaking up the little things about them that make them who they are.

CARTER...
I love Carter's little voice, and how he seems to add a word to his small vocabulary every day.  It makes me smile even when he says, "poo poo.  pants." Meaning, uh, I need to change him.  The other day I was laying on the couch, which I am often doing these days.  He walked into the living room as if to just pass through, headed to another room very quickly.  He saw me on the couch, ran over and grabbed a blanket, put it on top of me, and then went on with his business.  Of course my eyes welled up with tears, and I said, "Thank you for the blanket, buddy.  I love you."  He has a very very sweet, tender little heart.  I prayed for that years ago if I had a boy.  I love that he has a little sense of humor and makes me laugh a lot.
I also kind of love how he runs in the kitchen in the mornings, asking for "Coca? Coca?"  He means Cocoa Puffs.  We gave the kids cocoa puffs one Saturday, meaning for it to only be a special "Saturday cereal".  But, I kind of can't resist when his little voice sounds so cute and so excited.  Sometimes I do say no and pretend we are out, but sometimes my heart melts at the request for that sugar-filled cereal.
I love the way he throws.  It's always an overhand quick toss, and he is already tough.  I love how he rubs his eyes and says, "I tired" during supper time.  He does this during supper when he just doesn't want to eat the food on his plate.  He's already trying to outsmart us in that.  Kinda cracks me up.  I love how he asks for his pacifier, and calls it a "Bapi".  And his blanket is his "banie".  I love how he asks to go potty, and then just claps when he sits.  He never has ever gone potty for us.  But, he sees sister go, and knows that it is a time when we clap.  :)  I love how he runs, with one arm bent and tucked and the other swinging by his side.  I love that he knows the color yellow, and says it every time he sees it, but won't name other colors.  I love that he has been trying to sing "twinkle twinkle" and "Jesus loves me" with us before bed.  I love the way he asks for me when it is time to go to bed.  We always ask him, "do you want mommy or daddy to put you to bed?"  His response is always, "Momma".  I love love love the way he loves Annabelle.  If he wakes up before her, he asks for her immediately.  Their little sibling fights and disagreements have already started, and although that can be stressful, it's also kind of funny and cute.  They will occasionally scream at each other, or hit, but it doesn't usually last long.  And, when they say sorry, they always touch each others face.  That melts my heart.  Annabelle is the one who is a little more feisty, and when I ask her to say sorry, Carter always says it first, even when it wasn't him who did anything.  So cute.  I love how he thinks Wilbur running in to the fence on Charlotte's Web is about the funniest thing he's ever seen. I love it when he gets cracked up about something.
I love how almost every day, he asks for daddy when we are eating breakfast.  He almost always calls for him.  Then, I have to remind him that he is at work.  Every Saturday and Sunday, his face lights up in the morning when he sees him.  He loves his daddy. I love the way he has added LIFE and JOY to this family.  I cherish him so much, knowing he is my only little boy.  I never ever knew having a little boy would be as amazing as it is.  And, as draining as it can be to be SO needed, I love how he has always been kind of a clingy one.  Someday he won't be, so I will enjoy it now...

ANNABELLE...

I love that I am understanding more of her little language.  She does talk, we just don't understand most of it.  But, I am starting to a little bit.  I have to often tell people, "oh she just said _________".  I love that she loves life.  Life is so fun to her. I mean, most of the time right?  She's still a four year old.  I love that she is so in to art.  She loves to color and to paint.  Often, she colors and paints more of herself, but that's ok.  She still loves it.  When we have sidewalk chalk outside, she will decorate the ENTIRE patio.  I mean, the grill, tables, windows,trees, the play scape, chairs, the screens on the windows, the siding on the house.  EVERYTHING is marked up with chalk by Annabelle.  I LOVE it.  I love seeing that mark of hers left everywhere.  And that is why we keep chalk outside, and markers and paint at the table, or also outside!  If she was left alone with a marker, our WHOLE house would be covered.  It's the beginning of her creativity, and I love to watch it.  I love that she sneaks away from her class at school when she passes my room.  She runs in looking so happy and waving, saying "HI" so proudly.  I will miss that.  I love that she tries to sing.  Lately, I have been able to understand which song she is trying to sing, and I will sing along.  She loves music, always has.  I love that she still uses sign to communicate, and often still makes up her own signs.  I love love love the way she jumps.  It is one of my most favorite things in life.  I'm not kidding.  Watching her jump can turn one of my bad days into such an awesome day.

I wish I could post all of the videos of her little Spring Program at school, but I would have to sit here all day to wait for them to upload.
I love how she says "shopping".  For some reason, she throws her hands and arms open and it sounds more like "shipping".  She only likes it when I say we are going shopping because she thinks she will get a donut.  We go grocery shopping as a family, and it has become a tradition to always get the kiddos a donut.  She expects it every time she even sees an HEB.  If we pass an HEB and do not go in, she gets upset.  I love how she loves to be wrapped in a towel after bath time and held like a baby.  She always sighs when you pull her close, and sometimes even says, "baby".  I love the way her face looks when she gets excited about something.  I love the way her face looks when she sees herself in the screen of my phone.
Something like this....

I also love how much she adores her daddy.  She has a special bond with Craig and always has.  I love that.  We face time with him randomly during the week while he is at work, and she gets so super excited!  She melts in his arms any time he picks her up.  It's awesome.  I love Annabelle's spunk.  I love that she brightens the lives of other people.  I love that she can be totally content playing all by herself, but also LOVES to play with her brother.  I love that she is ours. And I love that she only fits the mold that she is making for herself.  

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom.  I always knew that being a wife and mom is what I would do with my life.  I am so thankful that God has allowed me to live this dream.  It is a harder job than I ever ever expected, but I still love it.  I often feel like I am not enough for these kids.  Like I am not a good enough mom for them.  I wear many hats in this life, and I am often overwhelmed that it is just too much for one person.  I have more meltdowns than I would like to admit.  But, at the end of the day, reflection on the chaos that my life often is, I still would never ever change it for anything in the world.  I love these little stinkers so much and can not wait to add one more to this crazy life.  I hope she's ready. ;)

Our BabieS.

The littlest Schmidts have been having a blast lately.  The winter was annoying as far as yucky weather and lots of sickness that just lingered in our house.  Just a couple weeks ago, Annabelle had strep, an ear infection and a weird skin thing all in one day.  Then, I woke up the next day with strep.  

Now that the weather is AWESOME and sickness seems to be gone for now, we have been busy.  We are outside every day soaking it all up! Here are some recent pics of these cuties....

Carter's best bud and cousin, Justus.

Swimming!!

I super love this picture of my little independent FOUR year old!
#

BABY Schmidt #3 at 18 weeks...


Yesterday was our 'big' ultrasound.  The one that gives me major anxiety and is also so exciting at the same time.  I get so nervous for ultrasounds, but the anxiety that it brings, draws me into more conversation with Jesus.  Asking for peace and joy and a healthy baby.  We were very excited to find out if Annabelle and Carter would be getting a brother or sister.  I really did not know what to expect.  I had no strong feeling either way, and I could see PROS to either one.  We had names we liked picked out for both, too.
The ultrasound went really well.  Everything looks really good, and right on track.  That means more to me than anything.

Well, here SHE is....


Annabelle and Carter are going to have a SISTER!!  I am pretty sure we have decided on a name, but until I know FOR SURE, I am not announcing it.  I really want to decide on a name this time and call her that for the rest of the pregnancy.  This time, Craig has named her.  We were watching a movie a couple weeks ago, and at the end, he said he really liked this specific name that he had heard in the movie.  And this time, I actually liked it.  Craig comes up with silly names most of the time.  Names that no one should name their kids.  But, this time, I loved it.  We haven't talked much about the name since then.  After the doctor told us she was a girl yesterday, Craig looked at me and said, "do you know what her name is?"  I said I wasn't sure yet, and he said, " I do".  I love it that he has named his second daughter.  Love love love it.  I think this gives Craig a little extra bond with her.

How far along? 18 +Weeks

Total weight gain/loss:  around 8lbs. 

 Maternity clothes? yes yes yes.  bleh.

Stretch marks? No
Best moment this week: Finding out that our baby is healthy and that we are having another little GIRL

Miss anything: Drinking alcohol.  I have really wanted to chill on a patio with a nice margarita lately.
Movement: Yes.  Still not a ton, but I am feeling a little bit.
Food cravings: BUFFALO wings.  Cravings are so weird.  Once I get something in my mind that I want, it is ALL I can think about!  I wanted boneless buffalo wings SO bad about a week ago. Once I got them, I wanted them again and again.  The cravings I have had only last about a week, and then it is something else. 
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really
Have you started to show yet: Yes.  everywhere.

  Gender: GIRL
Labor Signs: No.

  Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? On. Most likely won't come off.  Never did with other two pregnancies.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Been feeling pretty content lately.
Looking forward to: The end of school.  Only a few weeks left!

FOUR

Our sweet Annabelle Grace is FOUR years old today.  As I am reminiscing about the day I gave birth to my first child, so many emotions come rushing in.  I am re-reading the first post that I wrote about her on this blog, 13 days after her birthday.  HER STORY.

 It is funny as I am reading it, how my vocabulary in terms of Down Syndrome has changed a little bit. I have read over that post a few times in the last four years, but never want to go back and change things I wrote, because it is all kind of raw as far as my emotions at the time. And, I did not have much knowledge of what DS is, and what may or may not be the 'right' vocabulary to use.  Things like "Downs child", and I said 'Downs" a lot.  Which, I have learned isn't exactly the proper thing to say I guess.  And it's not super appropriate to define a person by what they have.  Like saying "Downs child".  Rather saying, "a child with Down Syndrome".  Some get offended by those things.  I try not to, knowing that a lot of people just don't know that.  I didn't 4 years ago.  But, I kind of get it.  She is many many more things than a girl with Down Syndrome.  MANY more things define my beautiful girl.  (THIS whole subject could be an entire blog post in itself.  One I may sit down to write someday soon.)

My love for this little girl is the same, if not deeper, than it was that day in 2010.  Reading all that I wrote makes my eyes well up with tears because it brings me back to that place. My chest feels heavy remembering all that my heart felt.  It's overwhelming.  The birth of my daughter rocked and changed my world and the world of those that are in my life.  The birth of that girl rocked and changed my marriage, my relationship with my Savior, the relationships in my immediate and extended family and changed me in ways I could never ever explain.  Having a child changes you in such crazy ways anyways, but having a child with special needs does something else.  It altered my perspective on life.  God knew EXACTLY what Craig and I NEEDED.  We NEEDED Annabelle.  And we NEEDED her to have Down Syndrome.  God's gift of this little girl, this little girl with Down Syndrome, is something I will never take for granted. I would never ever change this gift.  There are certain things that were said to me after her birth that I have never forgot.  Two in particular.

1. "It's OK to grieve the life she would have had."  Someone said this to me the day after she was born.  A sweet, dear friend of mine.  I wasn't sure how to take this.  I wasn't sure if I was upset my this.  But, I have thought about it for four years, and I am finally getting it.   Never did I feel upset about who she was.  Ever.  But, I do wish, FOR HER SAKE, that things came easier to her.  I don't want her to have to struggle with things that come easy for others.  But, as a parent, it's hard to watch your child struggle at all.  You want to fix it and make things easier.  She has a hard time with some simple things, some simple milestones, and I wish those things were easier for HER. 

2. Somebody that I don't know told someone that I DO know something kind of like this, "Katie is in kind of a honeymoon stage. She's not upset about the diagnosis yet, but she probably will be."   UHHH, excuhhuuse me?    After Annabelle was born, it is true, I was in a 'honeymoon' stage.  I was loving EVERY minute of it.  Loving EVERY minute of this little girl.  Cherishing WHO she was and the amazing gift that was wrapped up so beautifully and placed in my lap.  Y'all, it's four years later, and I am still there.  No, I am not, and have never been upset about her diagnosis.  Never was I ever upset with God or did I sit and ask him "WHY?"  I never grieved about her diagnosis.  Like I said, I would love for things to be easier for her, for HER sake, but not for mine.  Craig and I were given an UNCONDITIONAL love for that sweet girl. Here is what good ol' Wikipedia has to say about unconditional love...

"Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism, complete love, or "mother's/father's love." Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type of love which has no bounds and is unchanging."

 My love for Annabelle has NO BOUNDS, and is UNCHANGING.  

 I am so thankful for her, and for the last four years that we have had with her.  She's an incredible child, and teaches me new things ALL the time. Her joy and her love is contagious. I want to be like her when I grow up.  Ha ha.  For real though, she is just amazing.  It has been a beautiful four years.  We are looking forward to a million more.