Craig and i are still in Minnesota, enjoying the most gorgeous part of our summer we will see. Although, 'hot' to minnesotans, it is a dream to me, a Texan. It has been a refreshing trip. We have been here for 11 days so far, and i am sad that it is going by so fast. I miss my family, but am not really ready to go back yet. When we were driving into MN, and came to the towns we have lived in, it felt so normal to be there. It has been since February 2009 since I have been to Minnesota. I left to go to Texas and never had a chance to come back. I have wanted to, but never had the chance. It is neat how places feel that way, normal. I guess it means it feels more home to me than i ever really knew.
I wanted to avoid our old house 'Up North'. Every part of me wanted to pretend it wasnt there, even though it is right through the trees of where we are resting our heads. I told myself I would not see it or think about it while up here. BUT, the first day we were here, I went for a little jog on this old dirt road that my jogging feet have treaded many times before. (another oh so familiar) I was drawn to run past the place that "Built Us". It was hard. But, after it faded from my perifial, I felt sort of relieved. Let me help u understand why this is hard for me...I have NEVER felt this way about a house. About a "bunch of sticks" as Craig would say. My life has been quite nomadic. :) Lots of homes, lots of moves. None of them compare to the home Craig and I shared our first year of marriage. The memories that are panited and stuck into the walls and frame of that house are memories I will cherish forever. There is laughter and tears in those walls. I bet if i walked in there I could hear that laughter. The current occupants will never understand the place they reside the way Craig understood it. I still hear the noises of the front screen door slamming behind us, the sound of someone walking up the steps of the front porch, the crunch of the snow under my boots as i seemed to do knee raises just to make it through the mound between me and the door. I hear my kitty Gabby clawing under the doorway to our bedroom, trying to get in. THAT is why the carpet is a little frayed by that door, and the owners now, have no idea why. There is a faint marking on the wall that says "I LUV U". I wonder if they can see it under the paint i used to try and cover it up. I dont know why I am writing all of this on the blog that is supposed to be about ANNABELLE. (Annabelle who was just a dream of ours when we lived there.) It is just is what is on my mind, and it just leaked out of my fingertips. I guess all this to say, its refreshing in a way to be in these North woods. Although I am missing something up here ,there is still the familiar sounds of the wind through the trees, and the loons, and jet skis in the distance. That not-too-hot sun beating on my cheeks and shoulders as i listen to my own footsteps hitting the gravel on the road I have traveled many times before. I am not saying i have the desire to live here again, but that doesnt mean i dont still miss it. I am thankful for the foundation to the life I am building with my sweet husband and amazing little daughter! I miss things in a way no one will ever know or understand, but am thankful for the Lord may have ahead for us. :) I also prayed that whoever would have that home after us would CHERISH it. I still pray that.
IN ANNABELLE NEWS: She is a ROLLER!!!! I did get a video of it the 2nd time she did it, but dont have my cord with to upload it to my computer. :( BUT, she rolled from her back to her tummy and back again for the first time this past Sunday! I am SO proud of her . So proud I was almost in tears. She is so motivated and spunky! I love it! She has been such a trooper traveling all over and staying in different places. She did SO GREAT on the drive up here. I am so thankful! I am so much more in love with her EVERY day! I am just loving being a momma. I am also so thankful for family and friends that are loving her to pieces as well. i am SO blessed! :)
I have heard this song a lot this summer. and it HAPPEND to be on the radio the other day, just after craig and I drove past our old house. It made my eyes a little wet. Miranda Lambert sings this...
The House That Built Me
Tom Douglas / Allen Shamblin
I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine
Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me
Mama cut out pictures of houses for you
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me
You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me
8.04.2010
7.24.2010
Minnesota, here we come!!!
i should NOT be sitting down on the computer right now, I have lots to do! We are leaving this evening for our long long road trip to MN. I am really excited, and SO happy for Craig right now. He is sooooooooooo happy to be going "home"! I know that feeling because I lived away from my home for 4 years! Its so fun to go back.
I wanted to give a little update on my sweet little girl. We had both and E.C.I. appointment this week, and an appointment with a Geneticist. Her ECI was great! They did an official evaluation and she had great scores. She scored 4 months in a lot of things. I am SO proud of her. They said she is motivated, and I know she gets that from her Daddy. Her feisty spirit is what i keep saying is a "Schmidt thing". I am thankful for her motivation! She is so funny. They will be coming out to work with her mostly right now on her gross motor skills. We figured that was what the main thing would be right now. DS kids have that lower tone to their muscles, and although she is strong, there are some things that need to be worked on. Later on as she continues to develop and and grow, they might see more areas that need some attention, but since she is so small it is hard to tell. one step at a time right?
Her other appt was good, too. The doctor was really encouraged with how well she is doing and growing. She had no real concerns. I wasnt sure what an appointment with a Geneticist would do for us, but it was encouraging. She is there for encouragement to parents with special needs children. I am thankful for just one more recourse for questions and support. Annabelle now weighs 11.5lbs. She is in the 50-75% for length, I dont remember how long she is, sorry. I have to go look at it. BUT, i am so proud of my growing little butter ball! YAY for good reports this week.
PLEASE keep our little family in your prayers today and tomorrow especially. We have a very long drive ahead of us. I am hoping Annabelle does well. Leaving at night to let her sleep as much as she can seems to be the best thing for HER, but might be harder for mommy and daddy to stay alert and awake. Please pray for our safety, and our health. My sister has MONO, and is with Annabelle and me every day! I have been feeling a little funny the last week or so, but maybe its all in my head since I know that there is something going around. Please pray for our immune systems to work over time!!!!! We want to so enjoy this vacation.
ok, i have GOBS of things to do! gotta go do them!
I wanted to give a little update on my sweet little girl. We had both and E.C.I. appointment this week, and an appointment with a Geneticist. Her ECI was great! They did an official evaluation and she had great scores. She scored 4 months in a lot of things. I am SO proud of her. They said she is motivated, and I know she gets that from her Daddy. Her feisty spirit is what i keep saying is a "Schmidt thing". I am thankful for her motivation! She is so funny. They will be coming out to work with her mostly right now on her gross motor skills. We figured that was what the main thing would be right now. DS kids have that lower tone to their muscles, and although she is strong, there are some things that need to be worked on. Later on as she continues to develop and and grow, they might see more areas that need some attention, but since she is so small it is hard to tell. one step at a time right?
Her other appt was good, too. The doctor was really encouraged with how well she is doing and growing. She had no real concerns. I wasnt sure what an appointment with a Geneticist would do for us, but it was encouraging. She is there for encouragement to parents with special needs children. I am thankful for just one more recourse for questions and support. Annabelle now weighs 11.5lbs. She is in the 50-75% for length, I dont remember how long she is, sorry. I have to go look at it. BUT, i am so proud of my growing little butter ball! YAY for good reports this week.
PLEASE keep our little family in your prayers today and tomorrow especially. We have a very long drive ahead of us. I am hoping Annabelle does well. Leaving at night to let her sleep as much as she can seems to be the best thing for HER, but might be harder for mommy and daddy to stay alert and awake. Please pray for our safety, and our health. My sister has MONO, and is with Annabelle and me every day! I have been feeling a little funny the last week or so, but maybe its all in my head since I know that there is something going around. Please pray for our immune systems to work over time!!!!! We want to so enjoy this vacation.
ok, i have GOBS of things to do! gotta go do them!
7.19.2010
schedule?
Annabelle and I just got back last night from a little trip to see family in the "Big D". It was such a blessing to be surrounded by family and friends, and people who love and adore my little preciousness!!! This week, we are preparing for a LONG road trip "home" to Minnesota. I am getting really excited about it, but also super nervous and anxious. i get like that when i know i will be out of my "comfort zone." I know SHE will do great, its me who gets all weird. We are driving, and i am not sure how a 3 month old will do in a car seat for that long. I just look forward to actually GETTING there! im so excited to see friends and family when we are there. and i am very happy that Craig will be so happy to be there. he works so hard every day and deserves a long vacation. I am so thankful for him and all his hard work. Annabelle and I are lucky girls.
So, I have been thinking about "Schedule". I have never had a baby, or been around many babies. so, of course, all of this is a learning process. i have been around a LOT of 3 year olds, so I feel that stage of life MIGHT come a little easier, but its THIS stage of life that I need advice and a little guidance. I have been thinking so much about how i want to TEACH now so that i dont have to CORRECT later. Does that make sense? I am thinking about a baby schedule now, because of how much more alert she is. She is not a "newborn" anymore who needs no schedule. She doesnt just sleep and eat anymore. She needs play, stimulation, interaction. I have been thinking of this because I had people ask me what kind of schedule she is on. I have just been letting HER make her own schedule during the day. I thought that was ok, but now i am questioning it. I let her eat when she wants to, nap when she wants to, and snuggle or play when she wants to. It has gone great in my opinion. our days seem well balanced and run smoothly. BUT, is it time that I have SET naptimes? SET eating times? how does that work? I dont want to eventually regret not making more of a schedule, and then fight to make one. Do i start now? anyways, i have been encouraged to read about it. so, maybe i will. I just feel like reading about things like that, just makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. Babies are all different. wont it just be more frustrating for me and for her if i force certain things into our day? I dont know.
One thing is, I know she is ready to sleep in her own room. I plan on making that work when we get back from our vacation. maybe its more me who hasnt been ready to let her sleep in there yet. She sleeps SO good at night, that I wonder if she is in there by herself, that I will just sleep through something that she might need. I want to be a laid back mom, but also very active in direction and guidance. I hope I can find a good balance of that. Any advice or good books to read, PLEASE let me know.
Something else I have been thinking of...Friends. Lifelong Friends. There are people in my life, and people i see in Craig's life who we consider lifelong friends. These are people we may not talk to for a while, but still hold so dear to our hearts. There are those in my life who I have lost so much touch with. BUT, still consider to be a best friend. I have been thinking about how amazing it is to have these kinds of people in our lives. When something rocks our world, something maybe tragic or just plain sad, we are always 'there' for each other. we may not have talked in a few months, or even years, but will always be someone to cry with, or laugh with, and share craziness of life with. I love these relationships. Just because you dont talk to someone every day, or see someone in a few years, doesnt mean you arent super duper close with them. There is something that connects you to certain people in life. I have such a deep love and care for these people and want them to know that if there is EVER anything I can do for them, if there is a time I can just BE there, I will! and I know the same is for them.
So, I have been thinking about "Schedule". I have never had a baby, or been around many babies. so, of course, all of this is a learning process. i have been around a LOT of 3 year olds, so I feel that stage of life MIGHT come a little easier, but its THIS stage of life that I need advice and a little guidance. I have been thinking so much about how i want to TEACH now so that i dont have to CORRECT later. Does that make sense? I am thinking about a baby schedule now, because of how much more alert she is. She is not a "newborn" anymore who needs no schedule. She doesnt just sleep and eat anymore. She needs play, stimulation, interaction. I have been thinking of this because I had people ask me what kind of schedule she is on. I have just been letting HER make her own schedule during the day. I thought that was ok, but now i am questioning it. I let her eat when she wants to, nap when she wants to, and snuggle or play when she wants to. It has gone great in my opinion. our days seem well balanced and run smoothly. BUT, is it time that I have SET naptimes? SET eating times? how does that work? I dont want to eventually regret not making more of a schedule, and then fight to make one. Do i start now? anyways, i have been encouraged to read about it. so, maybe i will. I just feel like reading about things like that, just makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. Babies are all different. wont it just be more frustrating for me and for her if i force certain things into our day? I dont know.
One thing is, I know she is ready to sleep in her own room. I plan on making that work when we get back from our vacation. maybe its more me who hasnt been ready to let her sleep in there yet. She sleeps SO good at night, that I wonder if she is in there by herself, that I will just sleep through something that she might need. I want to be a laid back mom, but also very active in direction and guidance. I hope I can find a good balance of that. Any advice or good books to read, PLEASE let me know.
Something else I have been thinking of...Friends. Lifelong Friends. There are people in my life, and people i see in Craig's life who we consider lifelong friends. These are people we may not talk to for a while, but still hold so dear to our hearts. There are those in my life who I have lost so much touch with. BUT, still consider to be a best friend. I have been thinking about how amazing it is to have these kinds of people in our lives. When something rocks our world, something maybe tragic or just plain sad, we are always 'there' for each other. we may not have talked in a few months, or even years, but will always be someone to cry with, or laugh with, and share craziness of life with. I love these relationships. Just because you dont talk to someone every day, or see someone in a few years, doesnt mean you arent super duper close with them. There is something that connects you to certain people in life. I have such a deep love and care for these people and want them to know that if there is EVER anything I can do for them, if there is a time I can just BE there, I will! and I know the same is for them.
7.07.2010
pictures
an order of 275 pictures, a few 5x7s, a couple 8x10s is on its way to my house. i NEED pictures I can hold in my hand, not just look at through a computer screen. i NEED framed pictures of my beauty hanging in our home. i NEED more money in my bank account to purchase insane amounts of pictures, and adorable frames to place them in! it will happen. :)
7.06.2010
pigtails, bows, fireworks and blue bell
last week was a busy one for us. Annabelle took her first road trip. We went to visit my great uncle and aunt about 4 hours away. It was a fantastic trip! Annabelle did so great in the car, slept most of the time. I wondered if at this small, they even realize when they are not in their own environment. Nope, she was as comfortable and easy going as she always is. She LOVES people and is so super social. I love it. she met some of my cousins who are in like 7th grade. They loved her!!! I am SO blessed with the family I have. I have always known it, but now that I have a little one of my own, I just appreciate my family and my roots SO much! I love it!
So, the road trip home, which should take about 4 hours, took us around 6 or 7 I think. We took some detours along the way. We went a different direction to take us to Brenham, TX, home of the Blue Bell Creamery! I crave their Bubble Gum ice cream, and NEVER find it anywhere any more. They did NOT have it even at the creamery, but we enjoyed a tour and a scoop anyways. Annabelle did great for that too. OH, we also went to a museum with my uncle, and there is a "music room". I decided that was Annabelle's favorite room. They had a jukebox. I put on "Summertime" by Janis Joplin, and 'Belle was engaged! It was so cute. She likes music. We danced around for a bit, looking at all the music memorabilia, and a replica of Janis Joplin's old car!
Fourth of July was super fun this year. I remember last year was boring, so this year needed to redeem that! We had some friends over, and my parents and sister. We live so close to the park, so after stuffing our faces, we just walked there for fireworks. my punkin was awake the whole time, and spent most of the evening snuggled in the strong arms of her daddy. He was pretty anti-social, but for good cause. he was LOVING his time with her! We wondered how she would react to the fireworks. well, she didnt really. she looked at them a little, and got still when she heard some go off. but, didnt really seem too super interested. I stood by her and covered her ears the whole time, just so it wouldnt be so loud!
As far as new developments for our little girl...Tummy time is going SO good! she is really workin it out and trying hard to keep that heavy head up. (do i say this in every post?) I sat her in her BUMBO seat yesterday, and it took her a minute to realize that hanging her head down wasnt as fun as looking up at the toys i placed in front of her. she still seems to struggle a bit raising her head while on tummy and sitting up, but it will come. We also enjoy some conversation with her. i giggle so much when she just makes noises like she is really telling us something. sometimes, she sounds so happy about something, and she just wants to tell us about it. other times, she really wants to let us know just how frustrated she is. i am loving it. I say things like, "yeah, really?" "then what happend" "did you like that?" "well, tell me more" "do you love it" ha, i love it. Her sweet noises and smiles. she is growin up!
Here are some pics of the last week or so...
a couple of a vineyard we ended up in a few days ago. one of what 'belle looked like MOST of the road trip, just a snoozin. and the other one is my sweet sweet great uncle soaking in his time with her.
So, the road trip home, which should take about 4 hours, took us around 6 or 7 I think. We took some detours along the way. We went a different direction to take us to Brenham, TX, home of the Blue Bell Creamery! I crave their Bubble Gum ice cream, and NEVER find it anywhere any more. They did NOT have it even at the creamery, but we enjoyed a tour and a scoop anyways. Annabelle did great for that too. OH, we also went to a museum with my uncle, and there is a "music room". I decided that was Annabelle's favorite room. They had a jukebox. I put on "Summertime" by Janis Joplin, and 'Belle was engaged! It was so cute. She likes music. We danced around for a bit, looking at all the music memorabilia, and a replica of Janis Joplin's old car!
Fourth of July was super fun this year. I remember last year was boring, so this year needed to redeem that! We had some friends over, and my parents and sister. We live so close to the park, so after stuffing our faces, we just walked there for fireworks. my punkin was awake the whole time, and spent most of the evening snuggled in the strong arms of her daddy. He was pretty anti-social, but for good cause. he was LOVING his time with her! We wondered how she would react to the fireworks. well, she didnt really. she looked at them a little, and got still when she heard some go off. but, didnt really seem too super interested. I stood by her and covered her ears the whole time, just so it wouldnt be so loud!
As far as new developments for our little girl...Tummy time is going SO good! she is really workin it out and trying hard to keep that heavy head up. (do i say this in every post?) I sat her in her BUMBO seat yesterday, and it took her a minute to realize that hanging her head down wasnt as fun as looking up at the toys i placed in front of her. she still seems to struggle a bit raising her head while on tummy and sitting up, but it will come. We also enjoy some conversation with her. i giggle so much when she just makes noises like she is really telling us something. sometimes, she sounds so happy about something, and she just wants to tell us about it. other times, she really wants to let us know just how frustrated she is. i am loving it. I say things like, "yeah, really?" "then what happend" "did you like that?" "well, tell me more" "do you love it" ha, i love it. Her sweet noises and smiles. she is growin up!
Here are some pics of the last week or so...
a couple of a vineyard we ended up in a few days ago. one of what 'belle looked like MOST of the road trip, just a snoozin. and the other one is my sweet sweet great uncle soaking in his time with her.
6.26.2010
sufjan in the summer
I am once again enjoying a great morning, just me and annabelle, and the sound of my Sufjan Stevens station on Pandora Radio. AND a great cup of french pressed coffee. Annabelle is snuggled up in my lap right now, and I am trying to manuever my arms around her to type. She is struggling to like the smaller looking soothers right now, the ones that i think look "cuter" in her mouth. I will soon give in and giver her back that ugly, giant round one that she loves, but will continue to try others! :)
So, i will be away from my baby longer today than i have been yet. my sister and I are going to a party for the afternoon, and Annabelle will spend her time at Pearl's. (my mom) I want to enjoy myself and have a good time, but I already miss her just thinking about the few hours we will be apart. :( I want her with me always!!!
So, there is something I want to share. I think often, of course, about Down Syndrome. What will my baby's future hold? How do I help her? WHAT do I expect? I think of all kinds of things. Then, there are times, when I dont think about it at ALL!! Like, i totally forget about it. Its not something I struggle with, i mean. I have such an overwhelming peace every single day about our lives, and the surprise that was given to us. I think the Lord wanted me to read this story this week. Please read it.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland."
So, here I am, i guess, in Holland? I dont know. I think more of something like, here I am in the "Rocky Mountains". Or in Disney World. I have arrived here, when my plan was to go to South Dakota. BORING! I mean, I have arrived somewhere way BETTER than my plan. Who wants to go to the Dakotas??? ha! I am in a place much more exciting and beautiful than I had expected. Disney World, rather than the community park.
I was told about this woman's blog by a friend after I had written this story about Annabelle. Her baby also had Down Syndrome. She had no idea before delivery, so was surprised. I read her blog often, and see pictures of the beautiful baby she was given. I want to share something that she said, in the midst of contemplating this new adventure of Trisomy 21....
"And, though I may have cursed wooden shoes and Holland, I came to the realization that, in any parenting situation, there are a thousand Holland situations. And a thousand Italys too. (Warning: Going into far-fetched Analogy Zone. Hang on.) And there's air traffic control monitoring this constant stream of flights, for any given child, that take off and land in both the beautiful expected and the unknown lands where we must search for beauty. Perfectly "normal" children with 46 chromosomes take their parents to Holland. When girls grow up and tell their moms they aren't having children, thus crushing grandchild dreams. When boys choose art over football and disappoint their fathers. When children move away and don't come home for Christmas. When girls become teenagers and slam doors and call their mothers b-words.
And who says Nella will never take me to Italy? I feel like she already has...when she's breathing heavy on my chest at night and the weight of her tightly-jammied body sinks right into my soul and I smile thinking, "this is just like Lainey." When she takes her first steps someday. When she says 'mama' or 'I love you' or reads her first book out loud.
It's just a mess of flights and destinations for every child...some good, some bad...but that's parenthood. Period."
I couldnt explain it better myself. I love my little adventure.
So, i will be away from my baby longer today than i have been yet. my sister and I are going to a party for the afternoon, and Annabelle will spend her time at Pearl's. (my mom) I want to enjoy myself and have a good time, but I already miss her just thinking about the few hours we will be apart. :( I want her with me always!!!
So, there is something I want to share. I think often, of course, about Down Syndrome. What will my baby's future hold? How do I help her? WHAT do I expect? I think of all kinds of things. Then, there are times, when I dont think about it at ALL!! Like, i totally forget about it. Its not something I struggle with, i mean. I have such an overwhelming peace every single day about our lives, and the surprise that was given to us. I think the Lord wanted me to read this story this week. Please read it.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland."
So, here I am, i guess, in Holland? I dont know. I think more of something like, here I am in the "Rocky Mountains". Or in Disney World. I have arrived here, when my plan was to go to South Dakota. BORING! I mean, I have arrived somewhere way BETTER than my plan. Who wants to go to the Dakotas??? ha! I am in a place much more exciting and beautiful than I had expected. Disney World, rather than the community park.
I was told about this woman's blog by a friend after I had written this story about Annabelle. Her baby also had Down Syndrome. She had no idea before delivery, so was surprised. I read her blog often, and see pictures of the beautiful baby she was given. I want to share something that she said, in the midst of contemplating this new adventure of Trisomy 21....
"And, though I may have cursed wooden shoes and Holland, I came to the realization that, in any parenting situation, there are a thousand Holland situations. And a thousand Italys too. (Warning: Going into far-fetched Analogy Zone. Hang on.) And there's air traffic control monitoring this constant stream of flights, for any given child, that take off and land in both the beautiful expected and the unknown lands where we must search for beauty. Perfectly "normal" children with 46 chromosomes take their parents to Holland. When girls grow up and tell their moms they aren't having children, thus crushing grandchild dreams. When boys choose art over football and disappoint their fathers. When children move away and don't come home for Christmas. When girls become teenagers and slam doors and call their mothers b-words.
And who says Nella will never take me to Italy? I feel like she already has...when she's breathing heavy on my chest at night and the weight of her tightly-jammied body sinks right into my soul and I smile thinking, "this is just like Lainey." When she takes her first steps someday. When she says 'mama' or 'I love you' or reads her first book out loud.
It's just a mess of flights and destinations for every child...some good, some bad...but that's parenthood. Period."
I couldnt explain it better myself. I love my little adventure.
6.23.2010
Father's Day and such...
This is a little video of my sweetie dancin with her sweet daddy! Craig had his first Father's Day! He is so in love with this little girl. as am I! We didnt do much, which is exactly what Craig wanted, to just relax. We played cards all afternoon with my dad and my sister.
I had the opportunity last week to go to Memphis with my mom and aunt to visit my cousin. I was a little nervous about the long drive, with Annabelle, but was excited to go. Unfortunately the plans fell through for me, but I was so glad to be able to be here for Fathers day. I was going to miss it. Next week we will be going on our first little trip. My mom, sister and I will be going to Beaumont to see my great aunt and uncle. I am excited to see them. It has been a long time. And Annabelle maybe needs to get comfortable with long car rides, cause we plan to go to Minnesota at the end of July. THAT will be a long drive, yikes!
Annabelle and I are enjoying our days together. She is doing so well! I am SO BLESSED!!! She is eating well, sleeping well, and smiling oh so cute! I am loving this!
what else? i am not sure what else to write about. I was inspired to write a whole big blog this morning, but got a little distracted. I had a REALLY nice morning, by the way. We slept till about 7:30, i enjoyed a latte, made of a mix of half and half and milk. Oh so creamy! I enjoyed some alone time on the couch being lazy and wasting time. I love alone time every now and then. I mean, Annabelle was close by, but snoozed a bit. My kitty found an opportunity I guess, and finally jumped up to snuggle me. She was staying at a friend's house for the first 6 weeks of baby's life, and when she came back to the house, she was super distant. Today, she finally loved on me. :)
OH, we have an appointment with ECI in the morning. Our first appointment. I am anxious to see how it goes!
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